Testing, Day 1 (“New Testing Mandates”)

It’s that time of year again…

New Testing Mandates

Attention all schools — brand new testing mandates:
(Compliance required in all fifty states)

All signals and hand gestures now are forbidden
To stop them, test proctors must always wear mittens
To ensure that no proctors will share information,
They must take two sleeping pills for relaxation

Furthermore: all eye contact no longer allowed
If proctors wear colors, they can’t be too loud
If proctors must walk, they should tiptoe instead
And music’s forbidden (even in one’s head)

Now as for the students, they can’t leave their chairs
In emergencies, they can be carried downstairs
To prevent them from seeing what others have marked
They must cross their eyes and the room must be dark

If students are finished before their classmates
They must get in fetal position and wait
And if any test-taker begins to act wild
We’ve included enough sleeping pills for each child

(Originally posted last year)

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