Testing

(Dedicated to everyone else who just survived their first week of standardized testing)

Attention all schools — brand new testing mandates:
(Compliance required in all fifty states)

All signals and hand gestures henceforth forbidden
To prevent this, all proctors now bound to wear mittens
To ensure that our proctors don’t prompt information,
They must take two Ambien for relaxation

Furthermore: all eye contact no longer allowed
If proctors wear colors, they can’t be too loud
If proctors must walk, they should tiptoe instead
And music’s forbidden (even in one’s head)

Now as for the students, they can’t leave their chairs
In emergencies, they can be carried downstairs
To prevent them from seeing what others have marked
They must cross their eyes and the room must be dark

If students are finished before their classmates
They must get in fetal position and wait
And if any test-taker starts to act wild
We’ve included enough Ambien for every child

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