My mother said I have to watch
The words I use at school.
Don’t call someone a poopy-head,
Or even just a fool.
In fact, she wrote a list for me
Of words I cannot say —
Which means that any other words
Are probably okay.
You smell like peas!
Your dog has fleas!
Your father is a wonk!
You’re nothing but a triscuit,
And your brains are full of brine!
I sneeze upon your arguments —
You’re no cousin of mine!
Update: I have found, no matter
How logical it sounded
That to call one’s mom a “bug-faced beast”
Still — somehow! — gets you grounded.